Archive for the ‘I’m just not right’ Category

Undead Dog Dream

Posted April 10th, 2009 under

had a dream last night…

It was night.  I was in a room in some third-world poverty level city.  The room lacked carpet, was clean.  It seemed more of an extended stay dwelling than an actual hotel.  I looked out the curtain-less window and new the city.  It sat on the shore of a landlocked sea.  The building was one of the taller at 3 stories.  The city wasn’t run down, just not wealthy.  I knew the landscape wasn’t lush, but more craggy.  Mountain ranges rose up on either side of the city and extended out along the sea… holding it in.  The night was bright as few the few city lights in existence quickly gave up the fight to block out the stars.  

As I watched, the waves began to churn and huge rolling walls of water rose and fell.  In the bright light of the night, mounds of what looked like sea weed were gathered together and thrown against the rocky outcroppings of the shore.  Within seconds an all too familiar reddish-orange light lit the peers and the first screams echoed into the night.

My heart didn’t beat… no breath on my lips as I witnessed flaming demons begin darting through the streets.  Their “arms” would snap out igniting people attempting to flee in their wake.  Some would float past old buildings, lazily running an arm along their walls as flames shut up.  Within minutes, a wall of flame followed these creatures up and out from the sea.  

A pounding on the door behind me snapped me out of my spell.  I turned as the banged open and a small shape rushed in forcing the door closed behind it.  

The shape spoke in quick, broken english… “MISTER!  Y’ned ta leave now! Nod save f’ya here.  We go now, ya!?”

This was my guide who I picked out of the crowd when I arrived.  He had quickly become my companion as I explored the local area.

“What’s happening down there?  What are those things?!?”

“…ykutizwy…” he whispered.

“What are… ykutzy?”

“Not ‘ykutzy’… ykutizwy… dog people… ancients who come back t’get r’vendge. We go now, ya?”

I stared blankly at him.  ”This is insane.”

“Ya… In-sang… we go now, ya?!?”

An explosion off in the city.  I ducked to the window seal and peered out at the destruction quickly approaching the building.  

“What are the ykutizwy?”

“Dog people… ancient times… lived here first.  Others came… killed all ykutizwy.  King killed all dogs, too.  Put ykutizwy in dog bodies and hung fr’trees.  Long time g’by.  Ykutizwy start falling fr’trees.  Others start dying at night.  Soon all dead.  Trees dead.  All things dead.  Anything comes here died.  Sea finally rose up and washed ykutizwy away.  Long time later, we come.  Build city.  Live happy.  But knew ykutizwy come back someday if not careful…”

I turned and looked back at him cowering with his back to the door in the dark.  

“How could you know what happened if everything was washed to the sea?”

I sensed, more than saw, a shrug in the dark.

I sighed.  ”What happened?”

“Someone not careful.”

Details in the room became more clear as the flames grew throughout the city.  The electricity came on in the building flooding the room with crisp white light.  We both blinked  back in surprise.

“We take y’car an’ go now, ya?!?”

Looking out the window again, only this building had power.  Fearing it would attract attention… “Yeah… let’s go!”

I threw my pack over my shoulder and rushed to the door as he cracked it open and peered out.

The phone rang.

I quickly picked up the receiver.

“Are you there?” a crackly voiced asked.  I could just make out my sister-in-law’s voice from back home.

“Leisha?”

“It’s your grandpa… I tried to reach Gina, but she is at work.  They called.  He’s in the hospital.  He’s on an IV.  I’m not sure what exactly is wrong… what’s that noise?”

“ykutizwy… demons… the city is on fire…” I whispered in shock.

“What?!?”

I knew how I must have sounded.

“I mean… that’s what the authorities are saying to keep people inside.  I think there is some type of political uprising.  It’s mayhem.  It’s not safe to talk.  I have to go… I’ll call you or Gina when I can.  Thank you for calling me about papa…” I put the phone down and we rushed down the stairs.

It was mayhem in the streets.  People ran past, insanity in their eyes as they tried to flee for their lives.  

We ignored the people and scrambled behind the building to the car.  Just as we rounded the corner, an explosion knocked us off our feet.  The car was gone… shards of metal laid scattered on the ground… embedded in the walls.  A fiery demon stood in the wreck facing us.  Flames rose 7… 8 ft into the air.  Dark eyes stared down a long snout at me.

With a snort of flames, it moved towards me.  I stumbled backwards into a barrel.  It was one of the rain catchers on every corner.  Fresh water wasn’t in abundance as the sea was more salt than water.  Without thinking, I wedged between the wall and the barrel and pushed.  As it tumbled, water splashed against the debris and all around the demon.  Faster then reason allowed, the flames went out.  A man stood before me with the carcass of a dog on his shoulders and it’s head over his brow.  He let out a silent scream that shook the ground.  He advanced again.  With each step, the water steamed until the fur dried.  Flames flickered over his body and quickly engulfed him…

My alarm went off and I woke up.

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Random Fact #26

Posted February 4th, 2009 under

One summer we had a lot of flooding on our farm in rural North Dakota.  Our house had a pretty decent incline for the front yard and the lower portion was filled with water.  Somehow, frogs took hold and began spawning.  Before too long, the front yard was filled with croaking, green amphibians.

It was my job to mow the lawn with our rider mower.  I didn’t want to mow the front lawn because of all the frogs and got in trouble for letting the grass grow taller there.  So, I mowed it.  As I mowed it, I positioned the mower so the grass “discharge” chute faced the house… the front of the house with the big picture window.  The frogs didn’t know what hit them.  Neither did the house.  There was red and green bits of frogs/legs splattered all over the front of the house. 

My next chose was to wash the house.

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Open Letter to the Guy with the Expedition

Posted January 28th, 2009 under

Dear Sir,

I was the individual following you for 25 minutes today on my way to work.  Perhaps you noticed me?  It was a long drive through the snow for what would normally have taken me 5 minutes.  We really didn’t have the opportunity to talk.  You seemed pretty focused driving down the middle of the road.  Having grown up in northern Minnesota (the Iron Range to friends) and eastern North Dakota (just too fricken cold to everyone), I thought I would offer you some advice.

  • Your Ford Expedition is equipped with 4-wheel drive.  This allows for improved traction and handling during inclement weather (like snow).
  • While driving cautiously in heavy traffic makes sense, when there are just 2 of us on back roads and you are in the lead, you really could drive more than 5 miles/hour.
  • While your SUV is large, it is not quite a bus.  You were not required to stop before crossing the railroad tracks.  Those lights you saw will flash when a train is approaching.
  • When you encounter approaching vehicles, you really should not slow to a stop and wait for them to pass.  That driver of the Honda Civic seemed a bit nervous driving on the edge of the road to get passed you.

I hope you find this helpful.  When we parted ways, your pained face contrasted with the dark eyes glaring at me.  You might find it less stressful sticking to plowed city streets.

Good luck out there and, remember, the gas peddle is on the right.  Don’t be afraid to use it from time to time!

Andy

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Incorrect Quote Attribution

Posted November 3rd, 2008 under

Someone (Thanks, Ben!) commented on my note listing out some quotes I like.  I had incorrectly attributed a quote by William J. H. Boetcker to Abraham Lincoln.  I’m glad I have the correct attribution, but am not too upset.  It seems Ronald Reagan made the same mistake.  Here is the full quote of “The Ten Cannots” and correct attribution:

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatreds.
You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man’s initiative and independence.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.
~William J. H. Boetcker, 1916

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I need to relax

Posted October 15th, 2008 under

and take 5 deep breaths. The election will be over in a few weeks. Honestly, when you come right down to it, I think we’re splitting hairs on the candidates. They both have programs/platforms that the experts (tax, economy, healthcare) think won’t make a big difference and will ultimately cost us tax payers (different from registered voters) lots of money.

Mostly, I’m just gonna vote my gut, still debate with supporters from the other team cuz I like to debate, and make sure I don’t vote for any incumbents in Congress.  Congress has the lowest approval rating than Bush or any other Congress in reported history.  I don’t care party lines, if you are in office in congress now, you don’t have my vote.  Time for a house cleaning.

2 things I know to be true… I’m the King of ConleyWorld and I still like trees.

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