If I had a friend who worked in a casting agency somewhere in the LA area (which I definitely don’t or I wouldn’t be posting this on a blog where both of you can see it) and that friend perhaps drank consistently to the point where they complained about their liver hurting, these are the suggestions I would give them (see?  I stayed gender neutral, Kate!):

  • get a new liver from one of those idiot actors… just post a gig as an extra on “House” as “liver doner” and tell them Hugh is really into method acting… once they are unconscious in the alley, the work is pretty easy… I’m pretty sure wikipedia has instructions on doing a liver replacement surgery.
  • homeless… aren’t there tons of homeless there?  This is slightly more risky… you’ll want to seek out the mentally unstable, not the homeless alcoholics.  Not that there is anything wrong with being a homeless alcoholic, but they probably are drinking hairspray or lighter fluid and that can’t be good for the liver.  I’d mark this down as a temporary solution…
  • illegal aliens… they’re everywhere over there, right?  Find someone young and healthy, tell them you’re with the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and you will grant them a green card in exchange for their liver
  • I’m pretty sure if you google it, you could find a Canadian pharmacy that would sell you a liver pretty cheep
  • My friend Darin… not sure that his liver is any better, but that’s a good picture
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